The Illusional Romance of “We Were Destined to Be”

It seems our society strives to make us think that which is most romantic is when destiny crashes two people together, they were fated to be together, they didn't really have a choice, they were “meant to be.” I understand the perceived romance of such a forceful love, I even understand not being able to help but “love” someone ...but isn't there something even more romantic about “I choose you, out of all others, I choose to love you” instead of, “I can't help but love you. The universe aligned in such a way that it just had to be,” or, “You're so attractive I just couldn't help myself.” The first is a matter of the head and the heart, working together to continue to reinforce love, of getting to know your lover's brain as well as body, of getting to know more than just their smell, taste, and touch.

Society tells us love should be effortless, you shouldn't have to work at it, that it will “just happen” and keep happening. But in all other areas of our life don't we learn and experience that often the best and most enduring things come through hard work? Don't we most value those things which were gained by hard work or treasure certain things because they were given to us as a gift made possible by someone else working hard? Why should one of the most important things in our lives be effortless? Why should one of our most important relationships not take work? Again, isn't it more romantic for someone to “work” at loving you, to nurture and care for your relationship, to better themselves for your sake, to make themselves more lovable, not because you ask them to but because they love you enough to try? Isn't this more romantic than, “I love you because it's easy”?

I believe I would someday rather hear, “I choose you, I know I will not die without you, but I know you will enrich my life. Yes, I am in love with you but I can help myself. I choose to not only love you now, when it is easy, but to also work at loving you, even when it's tough.” I know passion is important and I want to be in love, but do you really want to be with someone because their body demands it? Because they “can't help themselves”? If that is really the case, then what happens when someone else comes along with which their body chemistry is even more finely attuned? Will they be able to help themselves then? What happens when the planets seemingly perfectly align and they know fate wishes them to be with this other person?

Just some thoughts for all to ponder

P.S. I am really a hopeless romantic. I love romantic comedies and an occasional love story. I was in love with one of my best friends for years, a part of this was for her own sake but I also can't help wondering if a part of it was because it would have been so “perfect” for us to fall in love, it would have been so romantic for us to have gotten married. A part of me romanticizes about meeting someone and “just knowing they're the one” but I also know I will be able to choose whether or not to have a deeper love with someone or simply an attraction borne of seemingly perfect circumstances, an adorable smile, shining eyes, and pheromones that call to me in the breeze.