The Downfall of Face-to-Face Interactions or Why The Younger Generation Doesn't Want to Talk to You

I'll say up front, I didn't do any research concerning this, it is simply my opinion based on snipetts of conversations I remember and pieces of things I've read.

I've shared on this or another blog that there was a period of years when I didn't really miss anyone, whether it be friends or family. Throughout my life I've always been leaving places and when you leave places, you leave people and, if you allow yourself to, you miss them...and missing hurts, missing makes you long for someone who isn't there, missing sucks. Because I was always leaving places, I decided I wouldn't miss people but in deciding this, I was unknowingly also deciding to not really connect to people, to tie our hearts together, to have our lives bonded. So one day I decided to allow myself to miss people again and, through a process, I did. I have to admit, though, I often I still leave places before I can get too attached to anyone.

I say all that because for years I have heard that our society is becoming a “mobile society,” people don't stay in one place as long as they used to, they're waiting for longer to settle down (in terms of starting a family), but even when they do “settle down” they still may not stay in one place.

I know I am an extreme case, over 13 houses in 3 countries before going to college and never staying in one place longer than 11 months (most of the time shorter) since I graduated in 2007; but I think, in general, people are moving more.

There's two types of relationships you can choose between, one that is based largely on physical interactions or one that is based largely on texts and social media. Do you see where I'm going with this?

You move when your kids are young, after they've played “hands-on” with kids and been physically involved in each others lives, and it hurts to leave those friends behind. Even if you don't move, as the kids get a little older, a lot of them leave school to go home to empty houses and it hurts to be alone, away from people. But in both those situations, you know what type of relationships come through for them? What allows them to take their friends with them across the country and into empty homes? Texting (which you can more easily do with multiple people than trying to have a conference call) and social media (which easily allows you to share your life with those who are not physically around).

They are connecting the best that they know how, the least painful way they know how, and in the process, the internet becomes more real, the intangible becomes more solid to them than you can understand.

They are interacting, they are connecting. In some ways they are more intimately involved in each others lives than an older generation could ever be; because they have a camera, video camera, and means of communication with them at all times, they can share what they see and hear (in a limited fashion), the moment they see or hear it.

But I am old-fashioned and getting older. Compared to side-by-side interaction, I don't even like phone calls. Though I enjoy being alone, if I am going to interact with people, I want them to be beside me. I want to hear their footsteps beside me as we walk together in the night, I want them to smell the campfire with me, I want to see them laugh or cry, to be able to walk with them arm in arm, or pat them on the back.

In all the younger generations connection with others who are far away, they begin to value less the possibility of connections immediately around them, after all, that was the type that caused them pain.

Despite all of their connection, I think there is a deep-seated need for physical connection as well. It is through those types of connections, the type that puts you face-to-face, that you learn respect (because you see them cry and hurt because of what you did), patience (because it's harder to ignore someone in the room with you whom you are tired of or frustrated with than to simply ignore texts), conflict resolution (because it's harder to dismiss a problem if someone is looking you in the face), and so many other things that apply to all aspects of our lives.

It seems to me and I seem to remember reading some research about that fact that it is in unstructured play that we learn many of the lessons I hinted at. Since there are less set rules, we have to work out our own and learn them, in short, we learn to have more successful personal physical interactions because we learn all the nuances which underlie them.

Unstructured play is something that children/young adults have been sorely without for many years. First we forsook our front porches and took away our watchful eyes and our neighbors watchful eyes and, partly because of this, many of us grew fearful of letting kids outside to play, to explore. I wonder if the world has really grown more dangerous for our children or are we just more fearful because we know of every awful thing that happens from coast to coast and around the world because of our global media?

I guess my advice is to put down roots, form deep physical connections with some families around you (and of course with your own family). Find a camp or some place where you feel safe enough to let your kids run around together being kids, without too much supervision. Even if it's just for a couple weeks each year, I'm sure they will learn a lot and have fun as well.

Oh yeah, and a part of unstructured play may be a skint knee or even a broken arm or being around another kid when something bad happens. But you know what? This teaches your kids that actions have consequences, that things they do can get them hurt or someone else.

One of my goals in life is to make some of these safe learning places, whether this be a library I am someday involved with, a camp I make, or a neighborhood I create. Also, I will push for others to make such places as well.

Someday the internet will be even more tangible than it is today but maybe, just maybe, the value of the immediate, of the here, will grow more tangible as well.

Now stop listening to the child-rearing advice of a single guy and go hug someone or give them a pat or the full sensory pleasure of watching you dance across the living room (if you do it for long enough, they'll probably film you, make fun of you, and share the video with their friends).

P.S. I have heard stories of parents and grandparents who had largely lost touch with their growing children/grandchildren but then they started texting them. Before they hardly ever talked but now they text quite often. Be careful not to get your hopes up too much, though, because they may just think you're weird or intrusive because that's in some kids job description (it's a bummer they take off the tag off at the hospital before the parents can read it).