I know my name is not mentioned until
the Lord healed the man with the withered hand on the Sabbath, but I
was with him before that. Like all of my people for hundreds of
years, I hoped the Messiah would come in my lifetime. We had been
oppressed for so many years that I felt certain he would soon come,
that YHWH would surely raise up the King to reclaim his kingdom and
set us free. So I listened to the rumors, to the scandal which arose
after Jesus rose in the synagogue and read from Isaiah that he would
"set at liberty those who are oppressed." I was with him
that first time he healed many. It was then my heart first filled
with hope, it was then I decided to follow this man who appeared to
be more than a man, for I wanted to see where he would lead us.
Then I saw how people listened to
Jesus, how he could not only heal but inspire followers by his words.
How he was not scared to challenge authority, how, in claiming he
could forgive the paralyzed man his sins and also claiming he was
"Lord of the Sabbath," he was claiming to be much more than
a man. So he appeared to be more and claimed to be more and I
continued to follow him.
Imagine my delight when he called me by
name to be one of his 12. I was a little confused by some of his
choices, if you are going to be a King reclaiming the kingdom, it
seems odd to include traitors like Matthew. I supposed he had his
reasons.
I saw a multitude gather and hang on
every word, I saw many healed and a smile played on my lips, I saw
that even demons obeyed my Lord's voice and was awed. I have heard
some tell the stories of those times, how they say the Spirit blinded
our eyes, covered our ears, and shielded our hearts so we would not
fully understand some of the things which Jesus spoke, but as for me,
I know I did my share of purposely misunderstanding and hearing only
want I wanted to hear. What kind of Warrior King speaks of loving
your enemies, of doing good to them, of blessing them instead of
praying for their demise?
I was near Jesus' side when a centurion
came to ask him to heal his servant, I heard Jesus say he healed the
servant from afar and later heard the confirmation that, indeed, the
servant had been healed. A part of me wondered why the Lord would
consent to do anything for a centurion, a soldier of the Oppressor,
but a larger part of me was elated to learn the one I served could
heal even at a distance.
Then, then I saw that Jesus had power
even over death! The Lord spoke and, by his touch, gave back the
widow's only son. This is when I knew, I knew that with this more
than man we had a chance, we had a real fighting chance of casting
off our oppressors. Also, I was there when the Lord answered John's
disciples, and noticed that he did not encourage them to look for
another Messiah, but rather to look at what he was doing.
I remember it had been a long day,
filled with Jesus' teaching in parables and explaining their meanings
to us. We were all tired, but especially our Lord, for he had been
standing before the crowd from that morning. Then he asked us to cast
out in a boat and cross to the other side of Galilee. The wind was
behind us, so we all dozed for awhile but then the wind became
stronger and the waves came crashing over the sides of our boat. We
were all wide-awake then, well, at least for Jesus, who was still
somehow asleep amongst the storm. We thought we would drown, we
thought the boat would capsize at any minute, so we cried for him to
wake up and save us. The Lord awoke and rebuked the wind and the
waves and they listened to his voice. The very elements obeyed his
commands! And we wondered, what man is this that even the wind and
rain obey him!
After seeing other amazing things,
Jesus gave us some of his power and sent us out. So we were able to
heal the sick and broken, we were able to cast out demons by the very
power of His name. And I was beginning to feel we were invincible,
with this much power on our side, how could we fail.
We then returned to our Lord to be with
him more, to learn from him and to walk in his shadow. Soon after
this I saw the last piece of the puzzle fall into place, I saw the
thing which convinced me that the Lord would indeed be the one who
brought our people salvation. There were more than five thousand men
gathered, who had been there all day, so they had eaten all they had
brought with them. When we suggested to Jesus that he send the people
away so that they might get food, he told us to feed them, but among
all those people we could find only five loafs and two fish. Despite
the lack of food, the Lord had us sit the people down, said a
blessing over the little food we had, and told us to pass it around.
The food began to multiply, every time we passed the baskets, there
was more food to be had, until everyone had had their fill.
I had now seen how our Lord commanded
the attention of those around him, how when he wanted them to, they
would hang on every word. I had seen him heal the sick, raise the
dead, and cast down evil. I had seen him command elements, with the
power of his words. And in this last miracle, I had seen him feed
thousands with food which did not even fill one basket. I saw all
barriers to our victory stripped away and saw the certainty of our
enemy's defeat.
What matter that my countrymen were
small in number? If we were injured or even slain, the Lord would
simply heal us and raise us up. Rome is evil, but I had seen the Lord
command an even greater evil to bend to his will. I imagined battles
where the rain would fall in our enemies eyes, the wind would be at
our backs giving us strength, and the very earth would tremble
beneath the feet of our enemy as we charged toward them with a yell
of certain triumph on our lips. I envisioned an army with no need of
a supply line, for the provisions we could carry would last for the
duration of any war. I saw in our Lord the perfect Commander, the
perfect General, the Jewish people's secret weapon, I saw before me
the promised Warrior King.
Once I had decided on Jesus' destiny,
is it any wonder I did not hear his foretelling of his death? My
heart and mind had shaped him into what I wanted him to be and I
refused to hear anything else, to see anything else. From then on I
twisted Jesus' every word to my liking, chose to hear such sayings
as, "I came to cast fire on the earth..." and nothing else,
nothing about loving my enemy or how all who followed him would
suffer, for he was the Warrior King. David risen again, but greater.
I chose not to see when Jesus forgave another traitor, another tax
collector, to listen to his talk of forgiveness, to further tellings
of his eminent death, and I did not heed his tears when he wept for
the city of Jerusalem because her walls would someday be tore down by
the very enemy I thought we would crush.
Knowing all this, do you see why I ran?
Why we all ran? First our Warrior King tells us merely two swords are
enough and then when clumsy Peter swings his sword, the Lord tells us
to put them away and he heals the enemy! Even though the mob who came
to arrest him falls to the ground because of the power of his words,
he surrenders to them willingly! Our Warrior King allows himself to
be seized and begins to walk meekly out of the garden; so our dreams
were crushed, our hopes and prayers were trampled on, our courage
left us and we fled.
So after his death we gathered
together, wondering what we would do now, regretting all we had given
up, and feeling helpless, scared, and lost. Our leader had failed us,
our King had given up his power, our Messiah had died. Some of the
truest and strongest whispered about him saying he would rise, but
what would that really accomplish? Jesus had made it clear by his
death that he would not fight, would not be the King we wanted and
the Savior we thought we needed.
Then some of the women came running to
the room where we were gathered and told us angels had told of the
Lord's rising, but we were hopeless and so did not believe them. The
evening of that same day, two of our number came banging on the door
to the room where we were gathered and also told of his rising, so we
began to wonder. Then, as they were telling their story, Jesus
himself appeared in our midst, and everything changed. He opened our
eyes and our hearts to understand the prophecies concerning him, he
removed my self-imposed blindness and deafness, he made us see a New
Kingdom of which he was the foundation and that we would help to
build. He gave us life and hope and joy.
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