An Open Letter to the Makers of Flintstones Vitamins

A few weeks ago I started an open letter to the President of the United States. It had to do with the state of the American educational system, the plight of our teachers, and how taking much of play, art, and music out of schools threatens that which I think makes America truly America; but I thought this issue with Flintstones Vitamins was more pressing, so I decided to write about it. Okay, maybe it's actually because I haven't had time/haven't made time to do the research required for the other letter.

Dear Makers of Flintstones Vitamins,

I am a man of simple pleasures and small delights. Through a combination of intent and happenstance I have lived a very transient life with few constants. Since graduating from college in 2007 I haven't lived in one place longer than a year and, before college, I was a missionary and preacher's kid, so we moved around a lot then, too.

From the time I was a little kid I've always loved Flintstones Vitamins, the taste of them, the texture of them; there's always been nothing quite like them. I may not have been the most loyal and consistent customer throughout the years, there's been many times when I forgot to buy vitamins; but with every one I've chewed, I think you would be hard pressed to find someone who has been more appreciative of the experience.

Every time throughout the years I've put a Flintstones Vitamin in my mouth, it's been a highlight of my day. Almost every time I've thought, “Why can't there be a candy this good?” Sometimes, even when I've grown to an age when I should know better, I eat a second vitamin, just to experience it again.

With so much uncertainty and change in my life, you have been a constant I can depend on. A thing I can look to for a little comfort and enjoyment. When I lived in Ukraine and was in an unfamiliar place, with no other Americans around, eating a Flintstones Vitamin was like a little piece of home. They helped to brighten my day.

Imagine my surprise at the new “Tasti Smooth” registered trademark when I looked at the bottle the last time I saw Flintstones Vitamins in the store. I looked at those two little words with suspicion, with dread. I almost didn't by the bottle, but I thought I'd give it a try.

Makers of Flintstones Vitamins, when I put one of my vitamins in my mouth this time and began to chew it up, the world began to crash down around me. Something that has been the same since my childhood, something I've held onto in this uncertain world gave way beneath my feet and I fell. What have you done!?! What has changed and why did you change it!?!

I just wanted to let you know that I'm very disappointed in you. Something that I used to love, now I just like a little bit. Thanks for ruining something great by trying to improve it. You've supposedly been the number one selling children's vitamin since forever, why would you change what's working?

Sincerely,

A Heartbroken Consumer

P.S. Did your vitamins used to contain an artificial sweetener? If that's a recent development, I think that's what changed their goodness.