First thoughts, I seem to be seeing a
lot of articles and things about understanding introverts, but I
haven't seen many recently about understanding extroverts. Is this
because extroverts verbally explain to us introverts how to
understand them or is it because many introverts enjoy writing, are
introspective, and, thus, like to share our quiet inner workings?
Maybe a combination of both and other things.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and
share some of the inner workings of my head. I do this because, I
think, the things I will share can be related to many introverts...or
maybe I'm the oddball out and am just laying my oddities out on a
line. If you're an introvert and can relate, back me up. Thanks.
A lot of the articles talk about how
introverts are more easily simulated, respond more aggressively to
outside stimuli and environments; in certain areas of my life I can
very much see how this is true. If I'm in a crowded room with a lot
of people talking, my brain tries to listen to multiple conversations
at a time, I have a hard time focusing in on one (especially if I am
not actively engaged in one of the conversations). After a while, my
head just gets a little overwhelmed. Now, this is not to say I don't
like being in big crowds (for a little while), I enjoy going to
downtown fireworks, parades, and theme parks. I think this is because
I like to people watch and there's so many people the “many
conversations” kind of get drowned out into background noise. In
general, when in groups, introverts like to be observers (aka
Wallflowers); perhaps this is one reason we need to recharge after
being around people, our brain isn't just processing one
conversation, but trying to process many.
Along with this, if I'm sitting in a
small room with multiple conversations going on, just because I'm
sitting in your little group, doesn't mean I'm focusing on your
conversation. I said I have a hard time focusing, but if there's a
conversation across the room that I find more interesting, I'm
actually pretty good at tuning your group out and listening to that
other conversation. Some may consider this “eavesdropping,” but
most of the time I wouldn't and the reason may be because the next
thing I'm going to share (and the fact that they're talking in a room
with other people).
If I'm in a group that is talking,
looking at the different people who are speaking and sometimes making
eye contact with them, I feel like I'm a part of the conversation,
even if I don't actually say anything. A part of this is that I don't
like to interrupt (and if it's a group, there's always someone
talking). Another reason is, I figure someone will eventually say
what I thought of saying, even if it is two minutes later. If you
question whether or not I'm actually a part of the conversation,
well, I can tell you I've probably heard more of what everybody has
said than the people who are are doing most of the talking (unless
I'm listening to a conversation 10 feet behind us). A possible
slightly embarrassing side effect of actually listening to another
conversation than you're in? You laugh at a seemingly inappropriate
time. :)
A lot of people assume introverts are
shy because we don't often talk to strangers (or even acquaintances),
it not that I'm shy, oftentimes I honestly just don't want to talk or
feel the need to talk. Actually, if it's a group setting, I may not
even really talk to my close friends. I do try to smile at people to
let them know I'm not being cold. A common theme running through
things I've read about introverts is that we're not a fan of small
talk and, well, I think that's true. That's not to say I won't
exchange pleasantries, I do out of politeness, but it so often feels
insubstantial. Also, I feel the need to clarify. I don't mind “one
time” small talk with strangers, like if I'm volunteering at the
library, working in a store, or addressed to the cashier checking me
out, that's what is expected and to do more would be a little
strange; it's when I've already seen you two times today and I know
we're not actually going to have a conversation, it's literally quite
painful to say “what's up?” or have it said to me yet again...I
would rather us not say anything.
Lastly, kind of going along with the
previous paragraph, I don't like to compete for people's attention.
That's one reason I don't talk much in groups, that's the reason I
like to go on hikes with friends (preferably outside of cell
reception), try to set up outings with 1 or 2 people, and enjoy
meeting people at quiet coffee shops. Basically, I'm selfish and, if
I'm going to spend time with you, I don't want to share you with too
many people or things at once. :) Maybe this is the reason that, in
college, generally I didn't become friends with peer groups, but
rather collected people from groups and would hang out with them one
on one or two or three. A lot of my friends weren't really friends
and I wasn't really friends with their friends.
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